im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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