this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
