Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is not my ceiling
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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