I'm lost and stupid without you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
