I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
