If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
