It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
