I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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