I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We left the knife in your bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
