Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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