Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
