Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
