Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We are all done wearing pants today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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