your parents love me but you hate me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My ass is underappreciated
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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