I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
