I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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