Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
