can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
