I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
