please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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