Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
