I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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