I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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