i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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