Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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