My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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