Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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