We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
