Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
