after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
