y did u give ur computer a hand job?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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