Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
