i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
