True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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