I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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