dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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