Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
