so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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