I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
