Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
