you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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