You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
