I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
