planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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