Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
