dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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