never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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