i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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