yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
