well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
