That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
