....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
