I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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